Too often I labor over blogs as I strive to make them better but this time around I'm just going to spit out the thoughts/words without looking back. I just finished a film entitled One Week which is an indie Canadian film whose question/premise to its viewers is what one would do if they knew precisely when their endpoint would be, or better yet, if that point in time were one week away.
All too often this theme is met with a desire to see loved ones, take to the road, see all the "sights" that they've never seen, apologize to loved ones with whom life took many blows, or make passionate love to your partner (if your body is able to do this). I became so very sad watching the film as I realized how these are not things to be performed upon learning of one's imminent death but rather every day. When I looked deep into my soul to ask myself what I would do in this instance, two answers came to me. One, I would spend the last week or month of my life preparing for death. I would re-read parts of the Tibetan book of the dying and seek spiritual guidance from either my priest or a spiritual leader to offer me guidance toward this ultimate act in our lives. My goal has always been to die with absolute acceptance and grace and while I am far from achieving this goal as there still resides some shadow terror, the more I think about it and meditate on it, the better prepared I am for this journey.
The second thing I would do is to write 100 brief birthday letters to my son Johann so that he has a small gift from me for the rest of his life. I considered doing the same for my husband, but believe this would ultimately be a burdon as I would want him to move forward with his life and find love again!
So....since I'm healthy today, it's time for me to see loved ones, make love to my husband, take to the road (which I will in two weeks with my Mom), and breath in all the beauty that still surrounds our natural world. On the apology front, I'm not ready to go there yet. I'm far from perfect.
